Love with a Capital “L”

There’s the old adage about not discussing politics or religion, but I don’t think of myself as either political or religious. I try to avoid talking about either of these subjects if at all possible. As a writer with an emotionally complex spirit, there is much yearning in me, a need for which my soul thirsts. And so I’ve had on my mind lately about Jesus. Well actually, more specifically, Love. With a capital L.

Now, let me state for the record, the following thoughts are things I learned for myself; I am in no way saying this is true for everyone. (In fact, all of this confession, if you will, is a personal reflection and not meant to be a “tract” of sorts for everyone else to believe. Nor am I passing judgement on anyone, so if it seems that way it is by accident.)

I call myself a recovering Christian. That is to say I grew up in a home where we went to church every week, I went to Christian schools for my entire preliminary education. I learned a lot of the Bible. (I’m referring primarily to the King James and NIV texts, and I only bring this up as a reference, for anyone who may know what I mean, as these are the two most widely regarded versions). I learned a lot about what other people had to say about these interpretations of Biblical stories, their view of what it all meant. I was a really good model Christian girl for most of the 90s. A Jesus freak. (I’m not saying this like it is a bad thing, just as context: that I grew up this way and had little understanding of harsher common realities).

I went through a lot of difficult growing up after high school. The more mistakes I’ve made in life, the more I realize how ostracized one can become by doing the socially (or morally) unacceptable. I found myself pregnant and unwed, and eventually divorced after less than a year of marriage.

I learned two very important things during this time. One is that God wants me to be happy. And I don’t mean, feeling good about my day with a continual smile on my face, not letting anything bother me, surface happy. But he wants me to live a life that has joy. He wants me to be safe from emotional torment and psychological degradation. And two, nothing I do is going to affect how much God loves me. Here I was, overcome with feelings of immense guilt, learning that guilt isn’t from God. GRACE is. What a powerful word that became. Instead of choosing punishment and feelings that tore my soul apart, I discovered something about the deepest depths of myself.

I believe my soul has been created by something other than pure science and biology. It is beyond the realm of science, or even art. It is something so infinite, so unique and personal, it must be spiritual. As C.S. Lewis has been quoted as saying, I am not a body. I am a soul with a body. What makes me ME is not this body. It is not what I know or choose to believe. It is the essence of my character, the flaws and passions that define me as a being.

Which brings me back to Jesus. I came to the realization that Jesus taught the masses in metaphors. All of his teachings are stories. The only time he really gets direct is when it comes to the two most important things (and even then, he clearly states you can forget all the rest except these): love God. Love each other.

There’s not a single perfect human being on this planet; we’re all flawed, we’ve all had our fair share of mistakes. Nowhere does Jesus say we need to perfect ourselves. To correct each other. To decide what’s right for each other. No. To LOVE each other. What a loaded word. Most people don’t even really know what it means. Patience, kindness, humbleness, selflessness, endurance, perseverance, hope, trust, honor. How do you know how, or if you really truly love someone?

You can do great things, but without love, you are nothing, all you’ve done is worthless. That is what Jesus was trying to tell those stubborn religious leaders. It’s what people today are missing. It’s not about what you think is distasteful or rude, what might offend someone or is politically correct. It’s not even about what you think is right. Above all those things is the call to love. Despite those things.

This is not an easy thing to do. But I’ve finally been able to see what I was missing all those years as a good Christian girl. It’s not about how much I participate in church or worship. I could sing my frickin heart out for a week, it wouldn’t matter. I may have felt closer to God, (and often still do belting out some good music) but that wasn’t making any difference in the world. I was taught that people who didn’t agree with this certain point of view of mine, were wrong. Were evil. And needed my help to be “saved.” Wait, how am I, also another flawed human being supposed to “save” an equally flawed human being? No. That was not what Jesus called us to do. He called us to love. Love does not pass judgement. It is not my place to hold an opinion about what’s right or what is wrong. A human is a human, with a soul, just like me I’d assume. And everyone who has a soul hurts every now and then. So the way I see it, is what we should be doing is caring for the injured souls. Be showing love. Why did Jesus reach out to the people he did? Because they ached inside. Well so do I. That doesn’t make me any better or worse than a prostitute, a crooked tax collector, or a thief and a liar.

You know how people say God is love? I think of it almost the other way around: love is God. A lot of people don’t believe there is a god or want to believe “in” him/her or want to be considered a religious nut because they do. So back to my earlier statement about that, I think that what connects us as souls, as spiritual beings is love. Love is not something you see or can prove with calculations and numbers. So maybe that’s what God is. God is the love that connects us all together. The phrase isn’t saying God loves as in the verb. God IS love, noun. I’m just trying to go a little beyond the clichés and look deeper.

I don’t subscribe to a religion. I don’t expect people to think the way I do. And I damn well don’t expect people to live the way I think they “should.” I guess all I am saying is, maybe the world as a whole would be better off if we stopped thinking about what other people are doing “wrong”, and focus instead on how to love, how to heal each other’s souls. (Even in, or especially in moments of harsh opposition. Like elections. Or football.)

And a quick note about the Bible. Several years ago, I started reading a translation called The Message. Mostly I concentrated on the teachings of Jesus, because again, his stories were designed to help heal our souls. I discovered that every time I opened a random section, I felt like I learned something really important, just for me. And I think that’s significant. As individuals, God didn’t create us to all be the same. He made us all unique, all totally different from each other. I’m pretty sure that was on purpose. The Bible isn’t meant to be a blanket statement, at least I don’t think. You’re going to get out of it what you’re meant to. Like a travel guide. Not everyone sees the same exact sights, or does the same exact trip, even though they bought the same book. Everyone’s experience is different. I really think of the Bible like that. A travel guide through life. Which, as Van Wilder put it, don’t take it too seriously, you’ll never get out alive.

It’s amazing what kind of insights I discovered when I considered what each of these mean, when I really absorbed what each word carries with it:

If I speak but do not Love, I am a meaningless, obnoxious noise.

If I know all mysteries and all knowledge of the universe, but do not have Love, I am nothing. 

And if I give all my possessions to the poor, but do not have Love, it means nothing. 

So what is Love? Love is a noun and verb. 

Love is patience, Love is kindness and not jealousy. 

Love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act with disgrace; 

It does not seek its own desires, 

Is not provoked to violence, 

Does not hold on to the wrongs and faults of the past, 

Does not celebrate hate, but truth. 

Love bears all things, 

Believes through all things, 

Hopes through all things, 

Endures all things.

Love never dies, never fails.

Never FAILS. What does that mean? A lot of people use this description of love for marriage. But think of it in greater terms. Perhaps it means that when we love each other, truly, the way it is described here, that it will do what it is meant to do. Heal. What is greater, more powerful than Love?